And now, a personal memo from Mr. Henry Sommers, Senior Middle Manager for this family restaurant franchise:
Hey. In the restaurant industry, we can gauge you, our guest, from the way you read the menu. You eye the
appetizers, scan
salads and
sandwiches, cruise the
burgers and
Early Bird Specials, until you reach the
entrees. You'll decide. If you can't perform that duty as a consumer, you just read the rest of the menu, imagining what
brunch might be like in three and a half days. And in this state, you're more susceptible to advertisement. It reminds you to make a choice. It's the commercial break that startles you to close the menu. It reminds you you're alive. So advertise today.
Here's what an advertiser had to say:
"You haven't decided on a meal, and before you even have a chance, they're bombarding you with ads? What nerve. Most people get insulted. But the few that don't, those stupid idiots will buy anything. And menu advertising attracts those dumb idiots." - Robby "Mr. Cherubic" Ratzinski, owner of Angelic Dry Cleaners.
Intrusion marketing has been gradually accepted in today's society. Tests shows a decrease of urine on bathroom advertisements. Call TONY FROM MARKETING now on your cell at your table. That's no longer considered rude, either.
Support our advertisers!Angelic Dry Cleaners. Since 1953. A Neighborhood Treasure. "We respect you at Angelic Dry Cleaners!" - Mr. Cherubic, owner.
Trip Ace Flowers. Apologize with flowers. Table delivery available.
Make it dinner and a movie at City Outskirts Cinema 22. Complement your meal with stadium seats, digital screens, and private, well-stocked toilets.
Can't find your car keys? Check our Lost and Found box, conveniently located next to your Hostess.
Local listings for Urologists: Call 1-800-URINE-DOCTOR.
Love video games? Enroll in Video Game Academy.
Love Twilight movies? Enroll in Twilight Movies Academy.
Love Spam Email? Enroll in Spam Email Academy.
Don't get suckered by MONEY PYRAMID PIRATES! Learn more today!
What's cheaper than a billboard but classier than a bus ad?Visit 24 hr pharmacy in our lobby (subject to change). We remedy any ailment:
- Cure stomach cramps with Alka-Seltzer® effervescent tablets.
- Fight flatulence with Beano® tablets.
- Vomiting from food poison? Try a double shot of Pepto-Bismol® and Certs Cool Mint Drops™.
PHARMACY DOOR TO REMAIN OPEN DURING BUSINESS HOURS. INFORMATION GLADLY GIVEN BUT SAFETY REQUIRES AVOIDING UNNECESSARY CONVERSATION. WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE.
This pharmacy ak-"know"-ledges diversity and encourages it by stating: "Know" dogs. "Know" Irish.
